he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize