I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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