I heard we made out
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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