new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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