Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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