We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Boobs are out for the taking
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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