Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
