fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
