Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I could make wine with my vomit
Michael Bay diarrhea
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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