I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
