don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Drunk is not a location!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
