Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
