i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
