ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
