I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My penis needs a shock collar
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
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