I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
