hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
