Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We have started to decorate penises.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
