OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
