So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
