Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
