u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
