Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
