I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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