my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize