I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
