you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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