Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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