What did we do last night that was yellow?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
