Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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