my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
