New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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