we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
