I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
