I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
