Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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