I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize