It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
