you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
