I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
