She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
