Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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