Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
