He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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