just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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