high people should be assigned attendants
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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