Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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