Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
