I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize