Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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