My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
