youre lurking in front of me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
