fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
