I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
