the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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