i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
