If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize