note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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