her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
