my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
