did you get engaged???
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
