I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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