Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
