This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize