I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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