Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
