Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
