last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She bit a glass in half.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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