those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
