I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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