Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so explain again why im purple
no
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
