we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
