In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
