I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize