At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
