Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
