I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
