Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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