Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
