I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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