the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
time to smoke my breakfast
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
