Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
