Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
