are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm really busy with my period
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