she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
