Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize