just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
