it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
