the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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