weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
