i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize