I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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