Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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