how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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